Mine. I'm talking about mine, not yours.
No worries. I am not pointing fingers at anyone.... except for me.
There is a story that I share in my book about the time I was helping my daughter dry her hair.
When it got to the point when she turned around to face me, with her head tilted up, she peered out at me through strands of hair and said,
"Mom, are you crying?"
Eyebrow raised, "No, why?"
Pointing at me, "there's something wrong with your eye, it's all red"
I immediately put down the hair blower and brush and rushed over to the mirror. Sure enough my right eye had a large blood red splatter with hairline tentacles seeping out from it.
My first reaction was "What in holy hell now?" What could possibly be breaking or falling apart on this godforsaken body of mine? I truly cannot handle another medical challenge.
The more I looked at it the more my brain started working through the catalog of information I had accumulated through my years on this earth. Is it a sty? What is a sty? Bloodshot? No, it's more than being bloodshot....
Hmmm, it's entirely possible that I blew a blood vessel. And, now that I think about it, I remember feeling like a bug flew into my eye earlier...like hail on a windshield.
I grabbed my phone, did a quick google search and found that not only is it common but you can break a blood vessel just by sneezing or coughing too strongly.
Huh, I'm stunned I haven't had one before this.
Reading on, There is no treatment and you should recover within two weeks. No medical exam is necessary unless you have pain.
Ok. Good, well I can deal with that.
Whew, crisis averted.
I often think about how my instant first reaction was negative, completely "glass half empty" thinking. I know it occurred during a time when I was already at my limit, feeling untethered and drifting aimlessly, that made it difficult to react calmer at the onset.
And I did come around, although it was much slower than I used to.
Which I think is the crux of my self disappointment.
I normally have a faster response time with common sense.
I see, now more than ever before, that in my life, general health and well being or lack thereof, effects not just how fast, or slow, I react with my sight, hearing or limbs but with my mental ability to process things I already know.
So fast forward... to a couple of weeks ago. The skin under my left armpit began to itch, like a rash. At first I thought that maybe my razor was old, rusting possibly? I opted to not shave for a few days to see if it cleared up. But it didn't.
After another shower I applied salve to help calm it. That sort of worked.
As I was getting dressed I looked at my deodorant stick and I calculated that I have had the same deodorant stick since... before covid?
Wow, is that possible?
This is a plant based product made with ingredients that are grown. Processed for this purpose and product but I bet it still has the ability to spoil.
I tossed the old stick and grabbed a new one. Within two days the rash was gone.
Deductive reasoning? Logic puzzle?
I can tell you that I don't care what it is but am beyond thrilled that I immediately gravitated towards solving the problem rather than assuming there was something new failing on my body.
I'm nowhere near 100% recovered yet but I'm ecstatic to be reacquainted with the calmer more common sense version of myself. Damn, it's good to see you girl! You've been missed.
Take a breath, a minute, a rest.
I hope you are all being kind to each other but especially yourself.
I know I'm not alone out here. Sending my spoonie brothers and sisters a million hugs and all the mojo you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.