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Mine. I'm talking about mine, not yours.

No worries. I am not pointing fingers at anyone.... except for me.


There is a story that I share in my book about the time I was helping my daughter dry her hair.

When it got to the point when she turned around to face me, with her head tilted up, she peered out at me through strands of hair and said,

"Mom, are you crying?"

Eyebrow raised, "No, why?"

Pointing at me, "there's something wrong with your eye, it's all red"


I immediately put down the hair blower and brush and rushed over to the mirror. Sure enough my right eye had a large blood red splatter with hairline tentacles seeping out from it.

My first reaction was "What in holy hell now?" What could possibly be breaking or falling apart on this godforsaken body of mine? I truly cannot handle another medical challenge.

The more I looked at it the more my brain started working through the catalog of information I had accumulated through my years on this earth. Is it a sty? What is a sty? Bloodshot? No, it's more than being bloodshot....

Hmmm, it's entirely possible that I blew a blood vessel. And, now that I think about it, I remember feeling like a bug flew into my eye earlier...like hail on a windshield.

I grabbed my phone, did a quick google search and found that not only is it common but you can break a blood vessel just by sneezing or coughing too strongly.

Huh, I'm stunned I haven't had one before this.

Reading on, There is no treatment and you should recover within two weeks. No medical exam is necessary unless you have pain.

Ok. Good, well I can deal with that.

Whew, crisis averted.


I often think about how my instant first reaction was negative, completely "glass half empty" thinking. I know it occurred during a time when I was already at my limit, feeling untethered and drifting aimlessly, that made it difficult to react calmer at the onset.

And I did come around, although it was much slower than I used to.

Which I think is the crux of my self disappointment.

I normally have a faster response time with common sense.

I see, now more than ever before, that in my life, general health and well being or lack thereof, effects not just how fast, or slow, I react with my sight, hearing or limbs but with my mental ability to process things I already know.


So fast forward... to a couple of weeks ago. The skin under my left armpit began to itch, like a rash. At first I thought that maybe my razor was old, rusting possibly? I opted to not shave for a few days to see if it cleared up. But it didn't.

After another shower I applied salve to help calm it. That sort of worked.

As I was getting dressed I looked at my deodorant stick and I calculated that I have had the same deodorant stick since... before covid?

Wow, is that possible?

This is a plant based product made with ingredients that are grown. Processed for this purpose and product but I bet it still has the ability to spoil.

I tossed the old stick and grabbed a new one. Within two days the rash was gone.

Deductive reasoning? Logic puzzle?

I can tell you that I don't care what it is but am beyond thrilled that I immediately gravitated towards solving the problem rather than assuming there was something new failing on my body.


I'm nowhere near 100% recovered yet but I'm ecstatic to be reacquainted with the calmer more common sense version of myself. Damn, it's good to see you girl! You've been missed.


Take a breath, a minute, a rest.

I hope you are all being kind to each other but especially yourself.

I know I'm not alone out here. Sending my spoonie brothers and sisters a million hugs and all the mojo you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.


Love, Melissa.






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Updated: Aug 10, 2021

I have begun to polish and edit. As I move forward in finding an agent and getting my query letter perfected, or at least really likeable, I reread the blurb I originally wrote.

A blub is mandatory in the query but it needs to be neat and compact. It can't take up too much of your letter or leave you short in character count for the other required bits. After a couple of days of reworking it this is what I've created:


Blurb: exceptionally average

My drug of choice was ibuprofen. Specifically, 800 mgs paired with my morning coffee. Together they managed to scare off enough symptoms which allowed me the façade of a healthy normal life despite being diagnosed as perimenopausal.

I ate well, exercised often and pushed myself to be the super involved active community member, Pinterest party planning PTA mom. I had few complaints, truly.

When the winter season increasingly pushed me to my mental limits I began to take on a new persona. They called me “Winter Melissa” followed by “and she’s not pretty!”

I admit I’ve never been ”in love” with winter but I’ve always handled it with upbeat tolerance. But in 2015 something changed, my tolerance turned into hatred and the hatred turned to madness. I felt suffocated and I had to get out of this place.

After much persuasion, I finally convinced my husband that a move south could heal me, and we accomplished a cross country move that left our heads spinning. As we eased into our sunny new southern lives a truth unfolded from the most unlikely place. An appointment with a new chiropractor revealed what had been ignored for decades. Not only did I have a wildly uncontrolled autoimmune disease, but I also had cancer. I was dying and no one had bothered to tell me.


So I ask you my friends, Would you want to read this book?

Let me know in the comments.


Hope you are all having a great weekend!

Melissa





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Hey Everyone! It's been a minute and I figured I would update you on what's happening over here.


THANK YOU:

For everyone that piped in and voted on my last posts little Pitch Fest mini, much appreciation.

I love seeing which pitch spoke to you.

And if you didn't vote, go ahead and do so. I left it open. Hugs!!



SUMMER and my book writing progress:

First, It is in fact summer. While our summer break from school doesn't traditionally mimic the regular world due to year-round school calendars, this year we are leaning towards that and frankly it threw off my plans.

I was under the impression that we were going back to "normal" year round calendar and that one of my kids would be starting school moments after July 4th. I found out the first day of class that he was, in fact, not scheduled to start until early August. Ooops!! That threw a wrench in my book finishing plans. I have set up a cozy new office space in the corner of my bedroom that has an actual door that can be shut at will when the noise volume impedes on my creative process. I was so excited about getting back to it that I completely missed a school email with the correct start date. Yes, I could absolutely still write and sometimes I do bits but having both kids available allows for time to be spent making memories.

So in between board games and outdoor activities I am getting in research, jotting notes, maintaining my social media platforms and the like.

If you haven't already, you can follow me on your favorite platform: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Good Reads. Just check the contact page on my website here for the links.


PUBLISHING CONTEST RESULTS:

The contest results are in and it looks like I will be going the traditional route of trying to find an agent.

I have gotten rave reviews and positive feedback from my beta readers, which is always a relief for a writer.

So, Why didn't I win?

I'll be honest when I tell you that I knew there was a fairly large possibility that I would not be the right fit for the publishing house. I love Hay House and they produce amazing quality products and books however, they tend to skew towards more natural, enlightened, angelic material. I know that my book is needed and that it I was intuitively guided to physically move which in turn saved my life but that slim portion of my story isn't quite enough for them on a whole, or so I think. I was actually hoping to be chosen for feedback on my proposal, at minimum because who wouldn't love a professional tip or opinion but, alas, that wasn't the case.

If I compare the winners of the contest I can see without a doubt that I was not quite their niche as the main winners were a book with a companion tarot deck and a how-to daily guidance on becoming a divine goddess.

You can see how my memoir of an unknown extreme health issue and the uncovering of years of gross neglect may not quite fit.

I am thrilled for the winners as they have been given an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity.

And I think the contest in itself was a fantastic way for me to understand a process in the publishing world that I need regardless. My proposal is now complete which allows me to move forward in querying agents.

I have already begun the search and started a list of agents that are looking specifically for books like mine.

Onward and upward, as they say!


MY HEALTH:

As I continue to fight the good fight it appears I may actually be making some headway.

After firing my last endocrinologist, I have given the reigns to my amazing NP. She has been with me now through several functional doctors as well as handfuls of specialists, all of whom could not seem to muster up enough concern for my failing health. I found it fascinating that there are that many doctors willing to look only at a piece of paper (lab results) and base my care on that without considering the fact that each time they met with me that I was worse then the time before. My body has been / had been slowly self destructing and yet no one seemed to care why.

Here's a little tip I have figured out throughout this experience: Most people aren't textbook cases. Many medical practitioners have taken their learning so literal that they opt for what the book says over how the actual patient feels or is presenting live in front of them.

I won't delve into our healthcare system here, just yet. There are far too many pieces to this puzzle and lack of care, insufficient and short appointment lengths, refusal of tests and the money that surrounds all of it you know is a much longer discussion.


Until the next blog Happy Summer to everyone.

I hope you are enjoying the sunshine and warmer weather wherever you are.


Xx Melissa





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